Irony, it is first early morning of 2018 and here I am dealing with another restless night. Whenever I am having one of those restless night, I decided to try to take it out on blogging. If I am still struggling to sleep, then I will use that extra energy to clean, read, or catch up on the houseworks. We shall see how that's working for me.
The effect of moon phase had always been the talk or reason to blame for our behaviors at my workplace. Sometime, I wondered if myself hearing about it so often left me with physicological effect. In other word, it is all in my head with knowledge that it is supermoon on this day. So, I just blame on the supermoon. If I am being super honest, it is more likely the coffee I drank at 4 PM while catching up with my best friend for two hours. That's probably more likely the reliable source.
Blaming on the supermoon sounds more cooler.
It had only been two days since I opened up about my darkest period. I felt better, lighter, and just better overall. This blog will be little different, I am going to do some kind of free writing to channel my thoughts onto this entry in no particular order. The thoughts may be random, doesn't make sense, or in messy order with horrible grammar. That's point of it, just don't think too much into grammar. Just channel it out. I did it once on paper -- it was tough, but I like it. It was different. So, I am going to try to do it on laptop. It might not work out since I am so used to typing and using laptop for work purpose. So, the sensation of typing might affect my logical aspect of my brain.
Here it goes....
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
I just pressed the button delete several times. it is obvious that i am still struggling with the concept of just channeling my thoughts onto laptop without getting in touch with my logical thoughts. it is tough when my thoughts are associate to writing it jumped back to my horror of anxiety related to writing back to my graduate program errr.... it wasn't pretty. pause. 12345678910 12345678910 my mind are bouncing all over the place i cannot sleep now i feel like i am starting to wake up is it insomnia or i am just simply restless i wonder if it is some kind of pattern since it had to do with my hormone i noticed i tended to struggle with restless night two week sbefore my period. does it related to possibly my mild chance of bipolar sprectum. who knows if i may have some bipolar in me sometime i think i do. label isnt always great the stigma to bipolar is quite bad sometime knowledge about bipoalr helps. it helps me to know how to work with what i got 12345678910 12345678910 12345678910 counting numbers helps me get into my thoughts allowing my thoughts to channeling onto this entry what am i going to do for the next few hours when i should be sleeping i am quite jealous of boone at this moment. she is sleeping peacefully. wouldn't it be nice to have. a dog life just play smell eat poop sleep be in the moment in every second of her life. life is such agrand for a dog. of course depending on the owner i hope i am such a good owner to Boone often i doubted myself as being her owner so often i need to remind myself that she is still a puppy. it is funny how i truly think she chose me more than i chose her maybe we both chose each other in so many ways this morning when i woke up and i was observing her it hits me how she is growing into such a young adult i sound like a proud momma that i just want to cry she is no longer a puppy that i held her like a 6 inches sandwich from subway. now she is like triple footlong weighting at 30 to 35 lbs. 12345678910 12345678910 12345678910 office in my closet who would have thoughts it is not bad it is just unique yet i really like my office space i am glad i went ahead and did it it is just different the place i am living at is just odd unique deisgn it is little hassle to work with yet it is giving me something to do only one more week before i go back to work i am trying my hardest not to put myself to one week ahead trying to be in the moment and enjoy it it is really hard i need to cut my nails it is going to chip soon i can feel the icyy hot cream on my neck wearing off i need to apply some more cream n it maybe i need to buy a better pillow goodness my thoughts are random i know i am not the only one many women suffer this tragic unstoppable turninging thoughts okay i can see my thoughts are slowing down it is alsot time for me stop writing gotta keep going until i feel like i have nothing more to say when do i stop being a kid i feel like i am still a kid just doesnt get in touch with my inner kid as often as i used to i think i have always been such a serious kid while i was growing up maybe that should be my new resolution get into touch with my inner kid more often and show my authentic self more often i aways hear from my friends how they wished people knew how funny i am or how i am ot boring it is often the most comment i hear from them. yeah i like that. it will be tough to do but i think it is worth it. life is too short to hide behind my many mask. speaking of ife i am becomig n 30 o m g can you say OMG?! did i really have to be so dramatic about it. silly goose. 30 yeah it is going to be epic. just faking it to make it. gotta do what i gotta do 1234567891012345678910 my umbers are juble up so is my grmmar so is my spelling i am so tempte to go press delete so i am going to avoid it to overome my temptation of wanting to be prefect creating a prefect entry that no can do i wonder how many of us go through each moment of trying to do this that is pretty exhausting okay i am staritng to relx maybe this channeling my thoguths onto thi snetry is working out for me it has been neary an hour that i have been awakw after sleeping for 3 hours. 3 hours of sleep. thats not enough. i am hoping to wake up at 645 to get started with my day. we shall see how that goes or ends up. i think i emptied my own thoughts that impossible but it felt like i am having nothing to say just wwant to repeat mode... yup. i am good. i am retty awesome. let's go to bed mary.
The effect of moon phase had always been the talk or reason to blame for our behaviors at my workplace. Sometime, I wondered if myself hearing about it so often left me with physicological effect. In other word, it is all in my head with knowledge that it is supermoon on this day. So, I just blame on the supermoon. If I am being super honest, it is more likely the coffee I drank at 4 PM while catching up with my best friend for two hours. That's probably more likely the reliable source.
Blaming on the supermoon sounds more cooler.
It had only been two days since I opened up about my darkest period. I felt better, lighter, and just better overall. This blog will be little different, I am going to do some kind of free writing to channel my thoughts onto this entry in no particular order. The thoughts may be random, doesn't make sense, or in messy order with horrible grammar. That's point of it, just don't think too much into grammar. Just channel it out. I did it once on paper -- it was tough, but I like it. It was different. So, I am going to try to do it on laptop. It might not work out since I am so used to typing and using laptop for work purpose. So, the sensation of typing might affect my logical aspect of my brain.
Here it goes....
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10
I just pressed the button delete several times. it is obvious that i am still struggling with the concept of just channeling my thoughts onto laptop without getting in touch with my logical thoughts. it is tough when my thoughts are associate to writing it jumped back to my horror of anxiety related to writing back to my graduate program errr.... it wasn't pretty. pause. 12345678910 12345678910 my mind are bouncing all over the place i cannot sleep now i feel like i am starting to wake up is it insomnia or i am just simply restless i wonder if it is some kind of pattern since it had to do with my hormone i noticed i tended to struggle with restless night two week sbefore my period. does it related to possibly my mild chance of bipolar sprectum. who knows if i may have some bipolar in me sometime i think i do. label isnt always great the stigma to bipolar is quite bad sometime knowledge about bipoalr helps. it helps me to know how to work with what i got 12345678910 12345678910 12345678910 counting numbers helps me get into my thoughts allowing my thoughts to channeling onto this entry what am i going to do for the next few hours when i should be sleeping i am quite jealous of boone at this moment. she is sleeping peacefully. wouldn't it be nice to have. a dog life just play smell eat poop sleep be in the moment in every second of her life. life is such agrand for a dog. of course depending on the owner i hope i am such a good owner to Boone often i doubted myself as being her owner so often i need to remind myself that she is still a puppy. it is funny how i truly think she chose me more than i chose her maybe we both chose each other in so many ways this morning when i woke up and i was observing her it hits me how she is growing into such a young adult i sound like a proud momma that i just want to cry she is no longer a puppy that i held her like a 6 inches sandwich from subway. now she is like triple footlong weighting at 30 to 35 lbs. 12345678910 12345678910 12345678910 office in my closet who would have thoughts it is not bad it is just unique yet i really like my office space i am glad i went ahead and did it it is just different the place i am living at is just odd unique deisgn it is little hassle to work with yet it is giving me something to do only one more week before i go back to work i am trying my hardest not to put myself to one week ahead trying to be in the moment and enjoy it it is really hard i need to cut my nails it is going to chip soon i can feel the icyy hot cream on my neck wearing off i need to apply some more cream n it maybe i need to buy a better pillow goodness my thoughts are random i know i am not the only one many women suffer this tragic unstoppable turninging thoughts okay i can see my thoughts are slowing down it is alsot time for me stop writing gotta keep going until i feel like i have nothing more to say when do i stop being a kid i feel like i am still a kid just doesnt get in touch with my inner kid as often as i used to i think i have always been such a serious kid while i was growing up maybe that should be my new resolution get into touch with my inner kid more often and show my authentic self more often i aways hear from my friends how they wished people knew how funny i am or how i am ot boring it is often the most comment i hear from them. yeah i like that. it will be tough to do but i think it is worth it. life is too short to hide behind my many mask. speaking of ife i am becomig n 30 o m g can you say OMG?! did i really have to be so dramatic about it. silly goose. 30 yeah it is going to be epic. just faking it to make it. gotta do what i gotta do 1234567891012345678910 my umbers are juble up so is my grmmar so is my spelling i am so tempte to go press delete so i am going to avoid it to overome my temptation of wanting to be prefect creating a prefect entry that no can do i wonder how many of us go through each moment of trying to do this that is pretty exhausting okay i am staritng to relx maybe this channeling my thoguths onto thi snetry is working out for me it has been neary an hour that i have been awakw after sleeping for 3 hours. 3 hours of sleep. thats not enough. i am hoping to wake up at 645 to get started with my day. we shall see how that goes or ends up. i think i emptied my own thoughts that impossible but it felt like i am having nothing to say just wwant to repeat mode... yup. i am good. i am retty awesome. let's go to bed mary.
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